Serving With a New Heart

This past Saturday we headed out to North Carolina for domestic missions with Adventures Relief, helping with disaster relief after Hurricane Helene. I was so excited, I’ve been eager to finally get out in the field after weeks of training, ready to serve and make a difference. We arrived safely (praise God), and once we got there, our teams were split up and assigned different tasks. My team was given base ops, meaning we stayed at the base to clean, organize, and do behind the scenes work while other teams went out to rebuild homes and connect with families who had been impacted. To be completely honest, I was frustrated. It felt like all the excitement and anticipation I had was wasted because I wasn’t doing what I pictured “real mission work” to look like. While other people from my squad were out restoring people’s homes and lives, I was power washing tables that would be dirty again the next meal.

I was talking to one of my close friends, and he encouraged me and said “Ask God what He has for you.” At first, I brushed it off. To be completely honest, I thought it was dumb and cliche. I stayed in my bitterness, comparing my role to everyone else’s, and couldn’t see how God was moving in it. But then, as the week went on, I started a new Bible study in Genesis, and God met me in such a clear way.

In Genesis 4, Cain and Abel both bring sacrifices to God. Abel offers the best portions of his firstborn lambs, while Cain brings some of his crops. The Lord accepts Abel’s offering but not Cain’s. The passage doesn’t explain why, but I couldn’t help but think it must have been about Cain’s heart. God sees our motives behind what we bring Him and I felt conviction. I realized I had been serving like Cain, offering my time and effort, but with a heart full of resentment and comparison. I wasn’t giving God my best because I was too caught up in what I thought I deserved or where I thought I should be. My service wasn’t truly an act of love because it was clouded by bitterness. That realization hit me really hard.

What amazed me is that in the same chapter, God doesn’t abandon Cain. He actually protects him by putting a mark on him so no one could harm him. That reminded me that God isn’t angry at me for being frustrated, He just wants to reshape my heart. He invites me to lay down my comparisons and discouragement and to trust that He has purpose in wherever He places me. So I started praying differently. Instead of staying stuck in “Why me?” or “Why here?” I began asking “God, what do You have for me in this?”And when I did, He started showing me blessings I had been blind to because of my attitude. He showed me the value in serving quietly, in supporting others, in making the unseen work possible.

I’m still wrestling with this lesson, but I’m learning that God doesn’t want half hearted acts of worship. He wants us to serve Him with joy, not out of obligation. Who am I to question the One who sees the whole picture, the Creator of the universe, and the Author of tomorrow? God is so good. Even in moments when I feel discouraged, overlooked, or out of place, His presence steadies me and draws my eyes back to Him. And I’m grateful that He doesn’t just want my service, He wants my heart.