The last few weeks of ministry here in Malaysia have been full. They’ve been beautiful, hard, stretching, and sweet all at once.
The bakery is still my favorite place. Preparing my heart to leave has been really emotional because I’ve grown to love the people there so deeply. Getting to know them has stirred something in me and made me realize just how much God has placed this passion on my heart. It’s been such a gift to see that calling come alive here, and it makes me so excited to follow it more fully later in life. Helping at the school has been a very different experience. If I’m being honest, it’s been really hard. I’ve learned that I am not made to be a teacher. And yet, even in the discomfort, the Lord has been teaching me so much about patience, adaptability, and how to see people through His eyes. That part has been really sweet, even when the days feel heavy.
I think one of the harder things I’ve been processing is realizing that while I love the people here deeply, I don’t necessarily feel called to Malaysia itself. That’s been a hard tension to sit with; learning how to pour out everything I have and love well, even when I don’t feel rooted in or particularly drawn to the place. Loving fully while knowing this isn’t a place God has put on my heart has stretched me in ways I didn’t expect. On top of that, spiritual warfare feels very real and very heavy here, unlike anything I’ve experienced before, which has made this season especially challenging.
At the same time, God has given me such beautiful people. I’ve grown really close to so many, but one of my favorites is Uncle Paul. I genuinely don’t know how we became a dynamic duo, but he calls me his granddaughter, and I love him dearly. I’ve also somehow gained the nickname “Boss” from a woman at the church named Jess, who you have to meet. She is unlike anyone I’ve ever met and absolutely hilarious. I’m not entirely sure how the nickname happened, but I’m rolling with it. One of my favorite parts of this whole trip has been making family everywhere we go. It’s such a beautiful thing that God gives us people to love deeply in every place He sends us.
Outside of ministry, we’ve also gotten to do some really fun weekend trips and activities. We go to the beach pretty often, and we even went to this incredible waterfall; beautiful, chaotic, and a very long story for another time. My team has been doing really well too. It’s been so sweet to see how much we’ve grown in genuine friendship since the day we were first assigned together. Our daily team times are some of my favorite moments, and I’m just so thankful for the gift of friendship and the way God delights in us enjoying what He’s given us. He is so kind.
We’ve also been experiencing a lot of worship lately, which has been such a gift. Leaving Eswatini, where I felt deeply called, where life was slower and I was growing and learning so much, into Malaysia stirred up a lot of confusion, discouragement, and even a sense of loss. The pace here, combined with very real spiritual warfare, made it feel like that growth I had in Africa was slipping away, and I found myself struggling with motivation and feeling like I never had time. That contrast has been hard to process. This season has gently been inviting me to slow down again, to release comparison, and to remember that this was never about my growth or my productivity. This isn’t my life, it’s His. If in this season God is calling me into busyness, inviting me to show faithfulness and dedication when it feels hard and even impossible, then let it be. He’s reminding me that there are waiting seasons. Seasons where He feels quiet, and that’s okay. He is “I Am” and is unchanging and faithful. He is the same God He was in Eswatini, the same God here in Malaysia, the same God in Guatemala, the same God in Honduras, and the same God back at home.
I’m really excited for what’s next and so expectant of all the Lord will do in this last week here. Please be praying for our hearts as we prepare to say some really hard goodbyes.
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