First Week in Swazi

We’ve officially wrapped up our first week in Swazi, and honestly, it’s been a whirlwind. There’s been so many highs and lows, but through all of it, I can so clearly see God’s fingerprints on every single moment. Coming into this week, I was already carrying a heavy weight; my grandpa passed away the day before we left for Georgia, and trying to process grief in a space where I’m surrounded by people 24/7 has been really difficult. I felt torn between mourning and being present. I felt guilt, guilt for not being with my family, guilt for not being able to call and check in, and guilt for the fact that I was enjoying ministry and laughing with people while still grieving. Deep down, I knew that wasn’t from God, but it didn’t make the wrestling any easier. In that space of confusion, God began showing me again that He is my comforter, my healer, my father, my friend, He is everything. He reminded me that even though I can’t reach home right now, everything I need is found in Him. It’s been a process of learning how to take those heavy thoughts captive and bring them to the feet of Jesus, and even when it’s messy, He meets me there with peace.

The first few days on base were overwhelming. I was adjusting to a new environment; one with poisonous frogs sneaking in through holes in the wall, mice scurrying around the room, and the need to check under my bed for snakes each night. On top of that, our team got assigned to the on-base care point for ministry. At first, that felt like a letdown. I had served on base operations back in North Carolina and had already wrestled with feeling like I wasn’t being “used” in the way I expected and now, here I was, feeling those same things all over again. I remember praying and asking God, “Why would You bring me all this way, just to keep me in one place again?” It felt like a missed opportunity. Even though we were still going to do the kids ministry like everyone else, knowing we would be stuck on base for the whole time we’re here had me feeling really disappointed and confused.

The first day of ministry started, and it was like God flipped a light on. I volunteered to help in the preschool classroom and we helped the kids write their numbers, cleaned, sat with them during lunch, and played outside afterward. That’s when I met a little girl, probably around four years old. She barely spoke English, so I never even learned her name, but the one phrase she did know was “my friend.” All day long, she clung to me, our foreheads touching, arms wrapped around each other, whispering “my friend” over and over. That moment stopped me in my tracks. It was so simple, but so powerful. Just love. No language needed, no expectations. Just a child who wanted to be seen and held and the overwhelming privilege of being that safe place for her.

From there, everything began to shift. I started to see the blessings God was placing right in front of me, blessings I would have completely missed if I had stayed stuck in disappointment. I’ve spent this week laughing with teenagers, holding hands with little kids, wiping tears, and being present. Somewhere in the middle of all of it, God started changing my heart. He reminded me that this calling isn’t about doing something flashy or going somewhere far but it’s about showing up with a whole heart, wherever He places me. It’s not something I do out of obligation, but something I get to do because He called me here. And if He called me, then I can trust that He knows exactly what He’s doing, even when I don’t see it.

This week has been such a beautiful, stretching reminder that love is truly universal. That presence is powerful. That being available, even when I feel like I have nothing left to give, is more than enough when it’s fueled by His strength. I’ve been learning how to love deeper, how to surrender my expectations, and how to see people the way Jesus does. I know there will be more hard days ahead. More missing people at home. More exhaustion. But I also know that in every one of those moments, the Lord is giving me strength, shaping my heart, and revealing more of Himself. I’m so grateful for where He’s placed me, and I’m so expectant for all He’s going to do in me, in our squad, and in this beautiful country.

Also, just a quick note: I don’t have service at our base in Nsoko, which is why I’m uploading all my blogs at once while we’re out doing a visa run. It’s definitely been an adjustment being off the grid, but it’s also been creating space to be fully present and reliant on the Lord, which is such a blessing. Thanks for reading and following along with what God’s doing here. I can’t wait to share more soon, whenever I get the chance to reconnect!